One year ago today was the worst day of my life. By far.
I gave birth to a beautiful little baby girl. The doctor placed her on my chest and I held her tightly. But she didn’t move or make a sound. I looked down at her face and it was perfect. And I held my husband’s hand and we cried.
We cried a lot that day. We had sad phone calls to make to friends and family. We had to make arrangements for her body when we just wanted to hold her close. We met with a priest and a psychologist who tried to help us deal with our pain. And we took pictures. We took a lot of pictures because they would be all we would ever get of our little baby Thalia.
One year later, the pain still grips us. We have a lot to be thankful for, mainly our beautiful second daughter, Cora. But Cora is not a replacement. Cora is Thalia’s little sister. And we still miss Thalia every minute of every day.
I like to think that they know each other. That they spent time together before Cora came to be with us. Even now, when Cora is staring off into space, as little babies do, I like to think that Thalia is near. Maybe that sounds a little crazy or is just a coping mechanism, but it makes me feel better.
Today we will celebrate what would have been her first birthday. We will think about the time that we did have with her and also about what she would be like as a 1-year old. And we will look at little Cora and be thankful for what we do have.
Bringing home a newborn is never easy. It’s a HUGE adjustment to daily (and nightly) life. It basically changes everything. But, we feel very lucky in that Cora is a pretty easy baby so far, relatively speaking. She’s a good eater and she’s a good sleeper. She doesn’t have reflux. She can settle herself in her Mamaroo and her Rock n’ Play and her crib. Noise rarely bothers her. Actually, the only thing that seems to bother her is being hungry or getting her diaper/clothes changed. Like most babies, she doesn’t like being cold. All in all, it feels like we hit the baby jackpot this time.
We brought Cora home on the Sunday after she was born, so it has been 11 days. And tomorrow is her two week birthday. Already?!?!? Ok, I get it now. They grow up fast. And she has been growing. The midwife was over on Monday and she was within 10g of her birth weight. She will get weighed again tomorrow and I expect that we will have surpassed the 7 lb (3.17 kg) mark.
Here are some pictures that we took at 10 days old. Apparently, eyes half open was the best we could get, but she still looks darn cute in my opinion. Not biased at all…
We went in to Clinique Cecil at 5 pm last Wednesday for our induction. To summarize, it didn’t quite go according to plan, but it went better than plan. Everything from labor, delivery, and recovery was better this time around. Obviously it was always going to be better since last time was a tragedy with the loss of Thalia. But beyond that, this time was just easier.
We got checked in and were shown to our room. It was a huge double corner room with a sun porch and a balcony overlooking the lake. The other side was not occupied so we had the whole thing to ourselves. We were served dinner and I was checked out by the midwife so we could make a final plan for the night.
I was 2 cm dilated already, so the plan was to wait until 10 pm and give me the suppository to get my cervix going. Then in the morning I would start the pitocin drip depending on how things were progressing. Mark went home to sleep around 8 since it didn’t look like there would be any action until morning.
Baby Cora – 4 hours old
They inserted the suppository at 10 and I went on the fetal monitor for an hour to see how I was responding. Everything looked good so I was unhooked so I could sleep. But about an hour later I realized that there was no way I was going to sleep because the contractions were getting hot and heavy. I timed them for a while and realized they were already 3.5 minutes apart, so I called the midwife. She hooked me back up to the monitor, which verified the contractions were steady and strong. I called Mark around 2 to tell him he better get back to the clinic. The midwife called our doctor to give her an update and Dr. Beck decided she better get to the clinic as well.
Our first family photo the day Cora was born from the balcony in our room
Once she and Mark arrived I was moved to the delivery room. I decided to get an epidural for a couple of reasons. One – dang, the relief is indescribable. And two – last time my placenta wouldn’t come out on its own so the doctor had to essentially go in and get it. There was a good chance that this would happen again and an epidural would be needed anyway.
It didn’t take long to fully dilate. I don’t remember exactly what time I started pushing, but it only took about 2-3 pushes and a tiny, screaming, baby Cora entered the world and was placed on my chest at 6:05. The emotional flood for both of us at this time was huge. Cora was alive and wiggly and noisy. Not long after, our room was flooded with a beautiful sunrise from Thalia.
Daddy and Daughter – professional nappers
Recovery has also been easier because lo and behold, my placenta came out just as it was supposed to. I also didn’t require any stitches this time, which makes a BIG difference. We spent the next 4 days in our room relaxing, sleeping, and getting the hang of breastfeeding. We were both doing so well that we decided to come home one day early. I do miss the breakfast in bed but I was really missing my own bed and the comforts of home. I had also gotten a roommate so that made the room more noisy.
Cora’s pediatrician came the day she was born and the day we left and gave her a clean bill of health. My doctor said my delivery was a 10/10. We are so thankful and happy with the way things turned out for our little family this time. And we are grateful that our little angel was looking out for her little sister.
This morning I was checking a local blog about the happenings in Lausanne. They post a list every week of things to do in the area. I clicked on the “October 8-14” post and was struck a little by the dates. We are THERE folks! No, of course it isn’t a surprise, but it was just another little way in which it hit me. So here is a little update for all of you before the craziness begins.
3rd Trimester – has been more difficult this time. I have been more tired, the heartburn is worse, and let’s just say the digestion is slower. I have been fortunate again to escape any swelling, but I am still very ready to be done with this whole pregnancy thing, mostly because of the sleeping. Sleeping at this point is punctured all night long by bathroom breaks and sore hips. All the weight in my middle gets uncomfortable on one side, so I wake up and switch to the other side. Until that side becomes uncomfortable so I wake up and switch back. All night long. Throw in 5-6 bathroom breaks and you can kiss a nice long sleep goodbye. And don’t tell me it’s training me for life with a newborn. I don’t want to hear it.
Wednesday – is the big day! We will go to the clinic at 5 the evening. We’ll get checked in and enjoy a nice meal. Clinique Cecil has a Michelin star chef – Mark is really looking forward to this part. After that we will get settled in and start the induction process once the nighttime midwives arrive. It sounds like we will have the same night midwife as last time, which I was very happy to hear. She doesn’t speak any English, but our French is so much better now. And I like knowing that our care team knows all the details of Thalia’s birth and loss up front.
Thursday – will likely be little sister’s birthday! I will receive the induction drugs throughout the night, and hopefully labor will start and progress without issue. There is no reason to believe that we would need a c-section at this point, but the clinic is equipped for that emergency situation if necessary.
Friday – Sunday – will probably be the days that we stay at the clinic. When I say we, I mean myself and the baby. It is not typical in Switzerland for the father to stay overnight during recovery, and I’m sure he’d be much more comfortable sleeping at home anyway. Our apartment is only a 5-minute drive from the clinic so he will still spend plenty of time with us and also with the midwives learning how to care for a newborn. Also during this time the clinic provides our very first ‘date night’. The baby will go to the nursery and we get a champagne dinner from the previously mentioned Michelin star chef in the beautiful clinic dining room overlooking the lake.
The next two weeks – Mark will be home with us on paternity leave from work so we can learn how to be new parents and bond with the baby together. I’ve also been assured that he’ll learn to make some dinners for us since I will be so busy with nursing, which should be… interesting. And we have a midwife who will come to our apartment to check on my recovery and the baby and help us with anything we need.
So that’s the plan! We are ready! We know, more than anyone, that things don’t always go according to plan. But we are staying positive and hopeful and excited. And we have a lot of great friends nearby who are so generous with their support. Stay tuned!
When crossing the Alps between Italy and Switzerland, there is the easy way and the scenic way. I take that back, they are both scenic ways, but the easier is to pay to drive through the tunnel. The more scenic way is to drive the old Great St. Bernard Pass, which is what we did on the return from our anniversary trip/babymoon in Italy. The views were fabulous, but I mainly wanted to take this route to see those enormous, lovable dogs!
The pass itself has been used for centuries. Monks built a hospice there for travelers in 1049 and the St. Bernards were used in rescue operations during the harsh winters. Today they aren’t needed for rescues anymore, but there is still a museum on the pass with kennels where you can visit them.
We were extremely fortunate to arrive just as they were bringing a beautiful dog out to visit. A group gathered around and the guide told us a little about her. She then signaled/commanded her to ‘go mingle’ with us. The sweet dog promptly walked over and planted herself at my feet. Maybe my enormous belly was sending her pregnancy vibes.
She was so lovable and soaked up all of my scratching and belly rubs. And then I had to share her with the rest of the group. But at least I got my puppy fix!
McCulloughs en Suisse 